Day 39: Saturday, April 8, 2017 Matthew 17:20 KJV
“He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, “Move from here to there,” and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
2000, a new year, the cusp of a new century, exciting times! The first years of the new century were happy for my family except for the death of my father. My husband and I were blessed with three beautiful grandchildren and a wonderful dream house in the country. Then those carefree days began to crumble. Jim started having health problems. First a brain blockage, then his heart problems started. I had double knee replacement, which I can’t call a tragedy. In fact, it was wonderful to be able to walk again. Then came the diagnosis of breast cancer. A biopsy and two more surgeries; four surgeries in six months, and I was ready for chemo. After chemo was over, our beautiful baby girl was born and seven weeks later died of SIDS. After a brief reprieve from our trouble, Jim’s heart worsened. In and out of the emergency rooms and the hospital was taking a toll on us. Next a quick trip to Kentucky, for me, to bury my sister-in-law. Then my world fell apart. Jim spent a week in the hospital in a coma and died on our daughter’s birthday. I began to wonder if every fall was going to bring our family sadness.
I joined the church in 1985 after attending off and on since I came to Killeen. I would attend for a while and then stop. While God was always part of my life, I made the choice to live how I wanted to live. I was not vocal about my belief. One of my coworkers could see my needs and opened a door for me. Now I always say to her she has kept me on the straight and narrow path. When cancer took over my world, I knew I had to put God back in my life. I started going to the chapel for early services, but kept my illness between God and me, along with my family and a few close friends.
Jim and I went to visit the oncologist. The doctor wore a tie with the nativity scene on it. I knew at that point he was a special doctor. With God, the medical resources, along with the help of nurse Jim, we were going to get me through this trial.
Good news! A long-awaited rainbow baby was coming into our confused world! God was giving to us our fourth grandbaby. Chemo was over. Things were looking up.
Jim made his annual pilgrimage to Kentucky. The past three times he had gone, he ended up in the hospital there for an overnight visit. This time, he came home, and the next morning I took him to the Emergency Room. I thought he had pneumonia.
A week later Jim died. During that week he was in a coma, it was hard to verbalize a prayer, so I kept repeating the Apostles Creed, The Lord’s Prayer and two of my favorite benedictions. It was hard at that point to think beyond my immediate emotions; my memory pulled up those prayers that are special to me. They gave me hope.
Six months after his death God presented our beautiful baby boy. What a joy he is to our family! Full of life, humor and love, he has pulled our world back together. While not having Jim here to spoil him, the baby carries his name.
I could not have survived the tumultuous beginning of the new century without God by my side. While He was always in my life, now I keep Him much closer in my heart. I still try to make my own decisions, but I have guardian angels trying to nudge me in the right direction. I might not listen, but I am better than I was. I thank God for being with me even with my human weaknesses.
Thank you, my church family, for taking me under your wings. I value the friendship given so freely.
“For I truly say to you, if you have the faith as a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move hence to yonder place,’ and it will move; and nothing will be impossible.”
Prayer: May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you, May the Lord lift up His countenance upon you and give you peace. Amen.
Contributed by Kathy Smallwood
