Day 24: Friday, March 27th, 2019

For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made, your works are wonderful. I know that full well.”
 
I tell my children they are beautiful because they are. They are created in God’s image. They are pieces of my husband and me. All of this is true, but one of my children doesn’t believe me. I didn’t believe my parents either. My son and I hear the same voice: We are fat, we are not intelligent, we are not good enough, and we are not good friends to people. I walk in a cloud of doubt all of the time, as does he.

 

I came across this verse while exploring a wonderful new ministry for our church. Our church is a part of a community with many special needs children. A lot of these children and families do not have a place to worship. Maybe the lights are too bright, the sounds too loud or the visual effects are overwhelming. I’m sure they could provide many more reasons. A trip to Walmart is not just a trip to Walmart. A lot of times, outings must be planned carefully to allow for different eventualities.

We don’t ask to be born with or without certain capabilities. While I was not born with a visible disability, I was born with a different way of thinking and learning. I tried to hide this difference. I wanted to be just like my friends. Straight hair instead of curly, thin wasted instead of chubby, no glasses…etc. By the time I went to college, I could not contain my problems. My grades fell dramatically, as did my mental wellness. I couldn’t understand what the professors were saying, and no matter how much I studied, I couldn’t retain the information. The voice that told me I was worthless was getting louder.

I was angry for so many years. Why would God create me like this? Why would God punish me? What did I do to deserve this? I stopped going to church regularly around the age of 17, against my parents’ wishes.

Fast forward 25 years. I work hard every day to accept the way God made me. Some days are easier than others. It took years of figuring out what works best for me and what makes things worse. It’s up to me to learn how to accept the way I’m made, and that is a conscious choice. I work with my son continuously on how to make this a conscious choice. I want to help those kids out there that need help making that conscious decision. I want to spread the message that God made us beautiful no matter what we think we’re missing. When we see the beauty inside of ourselves, it’s easier to find it in others.

 

Prayer: Dear God, Your works are wonderful. Please help me to quiet my mind and open my heart to this realization every day. Amen!

 

Contributed by Brandy Boudreaux